


Coffee cups and empty spaces

by Bluespirit



Series: Coffee Cups Universe [1]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Action/Adventure, Drama, Established Relationship, M/M, Romance, Team
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-12-19
Updated: 2007-12-19
Packaged: 2017-10-12 10:09:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/123766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluespirit/pseuds/Bluespirit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John is searching for constellations in an unexpected sky.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Coffee cups and empty spaces

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. Written for the 2007 SGA Santa fic exchange.  
> 2\. A big thank you to Lantean Drift and Xanthe for their tremendous beta skills and unflagging support, and to Tallgreentrees and Vagabondage for giving this the US once-over for me.

_Time is too slow for those who wait,  
Too swift for those who fear,  
Too long for those who grieve,  
Too short for those who rejoice,  
But for those who love,  
Time is eternity._

~ Henry Van Dyke

~*~

The sun was just beginning to slide beyond the horizon as John led PJ into the barn, red and gold flares still tenaciously warming the sky as night crept closer. He walked PJ over to the stall where Newton was waiting, and laughed as the grey tossed his head impatiently and snorted a greeting to them both. It had been a long day and he made quick work of unsaddling PJ and brushing him down, checking water and feed, before settling the two horses for the night with a nose pat and a quiet word for each.

He didn't feel much like eating and made do with a shot of whisky in an old tin cup, the chipped handle growing warm against his gun-callused palm. He carried it out onto the front porch and leaned one hip against the railing, drinking slowly as he watched night settle across the open emptiness of the prairie.

The high winds earlier in the day had chased off the clouds and the sky was clear, stretching out wide and black as far as John could see, the moon hanging full and heavy, a copper glow limning its surface in scarred shadow. The stars were pinwheel bright and John couldn't seem to look away. He tried to trace constellations, searching for the familiar, but found only eerily unexpected patterns. He turned, a question ready on his lips, and stopped. He was alone. Of course he was alone. His eyes slid uneasily to the two wooden rocking chairs, sitting side by side as comfortable as could be. He shuddered, chilled by a sudden breeze, and quickly drained the last dregs from his cup, the fire of the liquor almost melting the sharp spectre of anxiety coiling cold in his gut.

He turned smartly on his heel and went inside, dousing the lamp as he got into bed and resolutely willing himself to sleep.

~*~

"No! John!" Rodney stood immobile, arm outstretched and mouth open, staring at the space in the centre of the outpost where John had been standing only seconds before. There had been a sudden flash of light and sparks, and now all that remained was a blackened smudge on the floor and a lifeless-looking piece of Ancient technology.

"Rodney? What just happened?" It was Teyla, gripping his arm and shaking him. "Rodney!"

"I… I'm not sure," Rodney muttered, hurrying to the large, multi-sided device that John had ambled over to only a moment before, and scanning it quickly. It was pretty much fried, only minimal power readings and a sluggish stream of output data that was going to be difficult to decipher. "I don't know. But I think it's safe to assume that this whatever-it-is reacted to Sheppard's over-achieving ATA gene and spontaneously turned itself on. The question is," Rodney swallowed quickly against a sour rush of bile and tried to breathe evenly, "where's the Colonel now?"

~*~

John woke with the sunrise; light splashing across the smooth, unwrinkled cotton beneath his outstretched hand and making him squint at the brightness. He got up, thumping out both pillows and laying them neatly next to each other, and then went about getting ready for the day ahead. He needed to head over to the Bar T later and have a word with old man Chance - some of his ranch-hands had been getting a mite too rowdy around town and needed to tone it down some. Then he had to fill out the dockets ready for the circuit judge's visit next week. God, he hated paperwork and always ended up leaving it until the last minute, but Judge Garner was a stickler for detail and John knew better than to leave any i undotted or t uncrossed. Bureaucracy was one of the things that he really disliked about being Sheriff, well, that and sorting out petty disputes. He wasn't much of a diplomat - he tended to try and let folk sort out their own dirty laundry - but he was a good lawman and he cared about this town and its people. Their safety was in his hands and he didn't let them down - nobody got left behind.

He swallowed down the last of his coffee, sweet and black as always, and glanced at the empty place across the table. He felt a sudden cold flicker of alarm as he watched steam rising lazily from the untouched cup of coffee sitting there.

~*~

"So, what you got, McKay?" Ronon rumbled.

Rodney could see the tension as Ronon prowled around the room, hand never straying far from the blaster at his hip as he scanned their perimeter. They'd only recently found the listing for MXR-411 and had scheduled a mission to investigate; the scans as they had flown over in the jumper had shown that the planet was deserted but Ronon was clearly taking no chances. If only John had been as careful but, as usual, Colonel Super-Gene had just had to touch and now he was missing, possibly dead… and okay, focus - that kind of thinking didn't help anyone.

Rodney tried to concentrate on interfacing his handheld tablet with the control panel of the device; pointing the finger of blame wasn't going to help find John and that was all that mattered right now. Of course, it was going to be a different story all together when they got back to Atlantis - then all bets were definitely off. When he got John back - definitely when, not if - then there'd be plenty of time to explain to Colonel Gee-this-looks-cool-wonder-what-it-does exactly why he should keep his sticky ATA hands to himself in future.

"Okay, well," Rodney exhaled, fingers tapping swiftly as he reviewed the data he'd managed to download. "From what I've been able to piece together from the information accessible from the device itself and from cross-referencing with some of the less pitiful entries in the Ancient database, it looks like this outpost was definitely a research facility. This particular project seems to have involved some kind of transportation or translocation beam capable of breaking a body down to its component molecules and then reconfiguring them in a different location. It actually has similarities with the transporters back on Atlantis and also the transport beams the Wraith use in their darts."

"The Wraith developed this technology?" Teyla asked sharply.

"No, no," Rodney said distractedly, as he continued to plug equations into the pad. "It's been theorised that the Wraith may have found an initialised Ancient system at some point in their history and that they most likely cannibalised that - reverse engineering it and adapting it for their own purposes - to construct the dart beams and so on."

"So, where's Sheppard?" Ronon asked.

"Yes, well," Rodney sighed heavily. "As with many of the oh-so-wonderful Ancient devices that we've discovered in this Galaxy, this one seems to have been more of a prototype for a further phase of development than a fully functioning model - and, of course, it's a malfunctioning prototype at that. The readings I've taken suggest that it wasn't designed to act purely as a transporter; there's some other - possibly mental - component to the way it functions. Plus another layer of programming that looks like there may be some VR - virtual reality - tech involved." He pulled up more data. "There's also a reference to a temporal element - though I can't be certain if that actually relates to this particular device or not. The schematics that I've been able to unearth are rudimentary at best and, to be honest, I think the Ancient scientist working on this device wasn't precisely an advertisement for good house keeping - these notes are a mess."

"What's that mean for Sheppard?" Ronon cut in.

"Well, the good news is that there's an energy signature here that I'm pretty sure belongs to him. The bad news is that the question may not be simply 'where is the Colonel?' but also, possibly… 'when?'," Rodney said flatly. "And the answer is that I honestly have no idea." John had been taken somewhere or some… when by the device and Rodney had no clue how to get him back or if he was ever going to see him again. He blinked sharply and cleared his throat.

"Rodney?"

He looked up at Teyla's gentle enquiry, wishing he could be comforted by the kindness in her voice.

"You will find him." Teyla touched his arm and gave a firm nod. "We have already radioed Atlantis and a science team will be here shortly to assist… and, in the meantime, Ronon and I will help you. Now," she said, looking determined, "where do we start?"

~*~

John looped the reins loosely around the hitching post and patted PJ's neck. "See you later, buddy."

He took his hat off and ran a hand through his hair, the strands sticking up, stiff with dried sweat. He knocked the worst of the dust from his clothes and ducked into the cool of the Sheriff's Office. It looked like they were headed for a summer storm, a big one too, the way the barometer in Nate's newspaper office had been shooting up since morning, and the air was dry and crackling with static. He'd have to make sure that the boys over at the livery had got the fire pump primed, they didn't want a lightning strike razing the stable or the hay barn. He grabbed a cup of coffee from the pot, it had been stewing long enough to stand a horse shoe in but it did the job, and settled at his desk to check through the latest warrants and handbills sent down from the legislature.

"Hello, Sheriff. I hope I'm not interrupting?" John looked up at the genteel enquiry and smiled as old Mrs Elledge stepped inside, neat as a pin in starched white lace and a scent of violets.

"Not at all, Ma'am," John said, standing up and motioning towards a chair. "Please take a seat. What can I do for you today?"

"Oh, no. I won't stay - I don't want to take up your valuable time, Sheriff," Mrs Elledge said, patting John fondly on the arm and reminding him of childhood summer days, golden-lit and never-ending. "I just wanted to thank you again for sorting out that business with my Elijah. He's my only grandson and I love him dearly but, my, that child can be a trial."

"My pleasure, Ma'am," John said. "Think nothing of it. It was just a bit of high spirits and Reverend Patterson was happy enough with the work Elijah did fixing that fence round the far orchard. It's all over and done with."

"Well, be that as it may, Sheriff but I thought you might like a nice pie by way of a thank you. Just baked fresh, mind," Mrs Elledge smiled, taking a chequered cloth wrapped bundle from her basket and putting it on John's desk. The smell of warm apples and cinnamon filled the room and John couldn't help but grin.

"That's mighty kind of you, Ma'am. Appreciate it."

"No - thank you, Sheriff," Mrs Elledge said and gave a little wave as she turned and bustled out.

John took a deep, contented sniff and unwrapped the cloth. The pie looked as good as it smelled, baked to a light golden brown with a sprinkling of fancy sugar on top, and he grabbed for the knife and began to cut. It was only as he was happily savouring the crisp sweetness of the apples a minute or two later that he noticed the second slice of pie sitting untouched on the desk. A numbing chill crept up his spine and he swallowed heavily, the pie a sudden leaden weight in his gut.

~*~

"Oh, come on," Rodney shouted, hanging onto the sides of the device as another tremor shook the building, dust and small pieces of debris showering down around them. "You have got to be kidding me! Can this day officially get any worse? Because I, for one, have had about enough, thank you, and would like to just concentrate on rescuing Sheppard and not, oh I don't know, being swallowed into the caldera of the definitely-not-extinct super-volcano that the know-it-all Ancients so very sensibly built this outpost on top of." The building shook again as another explosion rocked the ground beneath them and fine cracks began to spread out across the walls and floor.

"Oh, God, we're going to die here," Rodney muttered, his voice distressingly high, and went back to furiously tapping commands into his tablet.

"Can we not simply take the device containing Colonel Sheppard with us?" Teyla asked, standing at his side and exuding a calmness that Rodney envied, despite the falling plaster dusting her hair.

"No, it's built into the floor of the outpost somehow," Rodney shook his head. "Plus we have no way of knowing if Sheppard is actually inside there - well, not him exactly but his energy signature - or if this just acts as some kind of conduit. We don't dare move it; we may lose our only shot at saving him." And that just wasn't acceptable in any reality that Rodney could envision living in; it was as simple as that.

Ronon came skidding into the room, his skin strangely pale and crystalline under a layer of volcanic ash. "It's getting bad. Looks like the whole mountain top is gonna blow."

"But the gate, the jumper," Rodney shouted. "They'll be destroyed."

Ronon nodded impassively. "Looks like you'd better get Sheppard out quick then, so we can get out of here."

"What? Are you insane? I've only just managed to replace the broken crystals to get full power to the device and I'm still running a diagnostic to check their stability. Then there's actually trying to make the device do its job once it has power, not forgetting the fact that - oh, yes - this is a malfunctioning piece of shit prototype," Rodney ranted. "These are delicate calculations and I'm having to extrapolate half the data from the crappy schematics anyway. I have no idea if this algorithm I've devised can actually reverse the process and -"

"McKay," Ronon barked and then added more quietly, looking intently into Rodney's face. "We're out of time. Do it. "

"Ronon is right," Teyla added softly. "We cannot wait for the science team - the planet is becoming too unstable for them to safely reach us. We must act now." She smiled gently, serene and implacable, and placed her hand on Rodney's arm. Strangely enough, he felt strengthened by the touch. "You can do this, Rodney. I know that you can."

Rodney took a deep breath, ignoring the sulphurous dust and lurching floor, and nodded sharply once, feeling his chin tilt upwards in defiance. He could do this, he could make this work - he was getting John back and no stupid Ancient device or erupting volcano or anything else was going to stop him. He keyed in the last sequence of codes.

"Come home, John," he whispered, and entered the final command.

~*~

The storm had hit as John was fording the creek, PJ tossing his head as the swollen waters swirled around his legs and the night sky flashed bright as day above them, crackling, snapping tongues of fork lightning splitting the air like shards of glass. The rain beat down, every drop as heavy as molten lead clinging to his skin, and the thunder rolled in, a solid wall of sound, clamouring and ringing until John's whole body shook with it. He spurred PJ on but the air around him seemed to be closing in - violent tremors vibrating with unimaginable noise and light and choking heat.

There was a sudden explosive crash - a cacophony of sound erupting around him in a flash of light so bright that he felt as if his eyes were burning behind their lids - and then he knew no more.

~*~

"John? Oh, God, John!" Rodney threw himself to the floor where John's prone body had suddenly materialised in a beam of white light. But John was still, pale and lifeless beneath his hands, and Rodney felt a cold fist twisting deep in his gut, making his breath stutter and stall. The noise and shuddering and choking ash pounding at his senses faded away until all he could see was the body before him - not moving, not breathing….

Suddenly John coughed, a dry, painful rasp that made Rodney exhale in a rushed breath as sound and sight came crashing back. He leaned forward, protecting John from falling debris as the outpost began to shake itself apart around them. As he watched, John opened his eyes, his confused gaze slowly focussing.

"Rodney?" John croaked, his eyes widening, and then he smiled - a small, soft twist of lips - and reached towards Rodney with an unsteady hand. "It's you."

~~~~*~~~~

"Okay, Colonel," Carter said, taking her seat at the conference table. "Can you tell us what happened?"

"Colonel Touchy here couldn't keep his genes in his pants, as usual, and ended up playing John Wayne while we all almost died in an erupting super-volcano trying to save him," Rodney interrupted, crossing his arms decisively and ignoring the eye-roll John was giving him at his side.

He'd been tight-lipped with fear as he'd piloted the jumper back through the 'gate. His knuckles white on the controls as he'd avoided the countless shooting plumes of hot acidic gases and the flaming ash cascading around them - and all the time John had been stretched out in the back, disoriented and only barely conscious, with Teyla watching over him. Then he'd sat at John's side in the infirmary, tense with worry as Keller ran the usual post-mission blood work and DNA tests, also electing to put John through the upscale Ancient version of an MRI scanner for good measure. Now that the results had all come back clear and it was obvious that John was home safely and in one still-healthy piece, well, the gloves were most definitely off and John could roll his eyes as much as he liked; Rodney had earned his rant and he fully intended to enjoy it.

"Let's hear from the Colonel first, McKay," Carter said, deftly sidelining Rodney before he could get up a good head of steam. He pressed his lips together and settled with giving John a sour look, but his heart just wasn't in it when John gave him a small, quick smile before turning back to address the meeting.

"I'm not really sure what to tell you," John said, his forehead scrunching up in a little frown. "We did a flyover and established there were no life signs on the planet and then landed near to the outpost. Everything was exactly like we've seen a hundred times before; deserted building, Ancient design tech - and McKay geeking out over energy readings. Nothing new there." He paused with a raised eyebrow as Rodney huffed, and then continued. "We'd just entered the outpost when I stood next to some Ancient gizmo that looked like a giant jukebox and the next thing I know it's like I'm in the middle of 'Rio Bravo' but with no Angie Dickinson."

"Who?" Ronon asked, looking confused.

"I believe Colonel Sheppard is making another 'movie' reference," Teyla said smoothly and the two shared a look.

"Colonel?" Carter prompted.

"Yeah, so it turns out I'm the Sheriff in this little town and life just seems to go on nice as you please - then there's this big storm and all of a sudden I'm lying on the floor of the outpost in the middle of an erupting volcano. That's about it, really," John said, slouching artfully in his chair, but Rodney could sense that there was something more that he wasn't saying. It was obviously something personal; as much as John might like to play fast and loose with the rules on occasion, he was always meticulous with his reports - in this galaxy you never knew when some previously insignificant piece of data could prove vitally important.

"And while you were there, in this other place?" Carter asked. "Did you remember anything about Atlantis or your real life?"

"No," John shook his head and there it was again - no one else would have seen it but Rodney knew John and he was clearly uneasy about something. "I knew that I was John Sheppard but I couldn't remember anything else beyond the life I had there - being Sheriff, knowing the folks, doing the job. It's a little fuzzy, to be honest - like trying to look at something through a gauze or trying to remember the details of a dream - and the memories are fading kind of quickly. I've pretty much just got a sense of it now, but no specifics. Oh, hey - I do remember I had a cool black Stetson though, and a Sheriff's star," he finished with a goofy smile.

Rodney smothered a grin and could see Teyla doing the same. He'd bet a month's wages that John'd had a cowboy outfit just like that when he was a kid.

"So what do we think it was?" Carter asked, looking around the table. "Rodney?"

"Well, we've tried redialling the gate for the planet and it's not connecting anymore. I think it's safe to say that the volcano blew completely and took everything with it - in fact, it was probably only my cat-like reflexes and instinctual flying skills that got us out of there in time, as it was," Rodney said proudly, and resolutely ignored John as he mouthed 'cat-like reflexes' with a smirk.

"Anyway," Rodney continued. "We've obviously been unable to send a MALP through to try to get any further intel and have had to rely solely on the data I managed to download while we were there."

"Yes, is very interesting," Zelenka interjected and touched the tablet in front of him, a schematic appearing on the conference room monitor. "We think is some kind of prototype for an advanced translocation beam."

"Yes, thank you," Rodney said sharply and carried on. "My initial conclusions seem to have been borne out - despite being made under such life-threatening conditions, I might add - that this is, in fact, a transportation/translocation device. There's a reference in the schematics that translates from the Ancient to mean something roughly equivalent to 'escape this time in mind and body'. As there's definitely a virtual element to the programming, we're assuming it was some kind of virtual environment to 'escape to'. We're not sure if it was for purely recreational purposes or meant as an actual escape from the Wraith, insane as that may sound."

"Yes, yes. The physical body itself - or energy signature at least - was somehow integrated into environment as well," Zelenka added excitedly. "That is why Colonel's body did not remain behind."

"Unlike the bodies on the Aurora," Rodney qualified. "This looks to be the next stage along from the stasis pod-virtual environment set up we found there. We also think that time, or at least the perception of time, moved at a different pace within the virtual environment to that of the real world - hence the Colonel experiencing the feeling that several months had passed when, in fact, he was only gone for a matter of hours."

"Did you not say on the planet, Rodney, that there was also possibly a temporal component to the device?" Teyla asked.

John sat up sharply. "Temporal? Like in time travel?" he asked, eyes bright with excitement. "You mean that device was the Ancient equivalent of a De Lorean? Cool!"

"Not exactly, Colonel," Rodney snapped, though John's enthusiasm made it difficult to hide the grin softening the edges of his scowl. "There was a mention in the accompanying notes about some form of temporal component but it's unclear if it was even incorporated into the prototype or merely the chicken scratch musings of an over-wrought Ancient Doc Brown-wannabe."

"So, no flux capacitor then?" John said with a wink, his bottom lip pushing forward irresistibly.

Rodney just rolled his eyes and sighed. "No, no flux capacitor," he said and had to return John's infectious smile. "Better luck next time, McFly."

"Have you found anything else in the Ancient database that might help confirm your theory?" Carter asked.

"Not yet," Rodney said. "Dwyer's got a team working on the database - as you know, we've only managed to translate the merest fraction of it up to yet - and I've asked her to let me know if she comes across anything relevant. But for now we just have the schematics and notes from the outpost."

"And the Colonel's not suffering any ill-effects from being in the virtual environment?" Carter asked, looking at Keller.

"The Colonel was a little bit groggy and disoriented when the team got back from the planet," Keller said, checking the tablet display in front of her, "but that disappeared quickly enough and all his tests have come back normal. The results from the Ancient resonance imager show no brain abnormalities and all neurotransmitter levels are fine."

"Good to hear," John smirked.

"Absolutely, Colonel," Carter smiled. "Nice to see that everything's okay after your little jaunt into the Wild West. Okay then, I think we'll have to leave this until a time when more data is discovered. It doesn't look like the device could have actually helped us in our fight against the Wraith or the Replicators anyway. So, if no one has anything further to add - meeting over, thank you everyone."

The meeting broke up and Teyla smiled as she and Ronon stopped by John's chair. "We are pleased that you are well and back with us, John."

"Yeah, I kinda didn't know that I'd gone anywhere but it's still good to be home," John said wryly. "Hey, how about I get 'Rio Bravo' for our next movie night? Then you can see the kind of stuff I was doing while you guys were trying to find me."

"There gonna be popcorn?" Ronon asked.

"Sure," John nodded. "You're going to love Stumpy - Walter Brennan - funny old guy, never shuts up. Kinda like McKay…."

"Oh, nice," Rodney muttered.

Ronon just stared at them both blankly. "Whatever," he said. "Just don't forget the popcorn."

"I look forward to it," Teyla said gracefully, ever the diplomat, and inclined her head in farewell.

"Cool," John grinned, and smothered a grunt as Ronon clapped him on the shoulder as he followed Teyla out.

"Those test results might be clear but I'd still like to prescribe a good night's rest, Colonel," Keller smiled as she gathered up her tablet.

"Sounds like a plan, Doc," John nodded, and stood up as she left. "So, shall we follow the doctor's orders, Rodney?" he asked, face open and hopeful.

Rodney smiled and gestured towards the door. "Lead the way, Colonel."

~~~~*~~~~

"You and Zelenka figured out yet why that thing decided to go all 'Westworld' on me?" John asked as the door to Rodney's quarters closed behind them. "Why the Old West and not some other virtual reality set up? 'Cus being on the Death Star would've been really cool."

"Virtual environment," Rodney corrected automatically, and knew from John's grin that he'd been baited. "We think it must have picked up on your brain activity - and good luck with that," he snorted, "and used your thoughts and memories to construct a suitable environment. As your grey matter has been almost completely atrophied by listening to maudlin, overly sentimental country music, and watching too much Lone Ranger when you were a kid, then it's no surprise really. Though," Rodney said with an assessing look, "you were probably more of the 'Calamity Jane' type."

"Hey," John objected and then batted his eyelashes ridiculously. "I did always have a thing for Wild Bill Hickok, though."

Rodney laughed and then imagined John with twin pearl-handled Colts at his hips. He swallowed heavily - looked like it wasn't just a thigh holster thing he had then.

"I can't really remember if the device set me up with any quick draw gunfights," John said, looking thoughtful. "It's all kinda like a weird dream now."

Rodney could see the moment when John obviously did remember something - the tense set of his shoulders belying the easy slouch.

"Do you want to tell me the rest now?" Rodney asked quietly. "Whatever it was you didn't say in the debrief?"

John ducked his head. "Do we have to talk about it right now? I feel like I haven't seen you in months." He tried for a leer but Rodney could see the discomfort hiding beneath the loose-limbed sexuality.

Rodney knew that he didn't exactly have a reputation for being able to read people - and he really didn't care, he had no desire to know what went on in most people's heads, thank you. But he had learned a little of what made John tick over the years and he knew better than to push. John would tell him when he was ready.

"We don't have to talk," Rodney smiled gently and pulled John into his arms, the soft sigh as John pressed his face into Rodney's neck a sign that he'd made the right choice. He stroked John's back, searching for skin as John moulded himself against him. "We don't have to talk at all."

~*~

"Jesus," John groaned as his trembling thighs finally gave way and he slid gracelessly to the mattress, Rodney's softening cock slipping free from his ass with the echo of a delicious burn. He flopped over with spaghetti-limp limbs and flailed around for a minute, sex-stupid and sated, before eventually managing to settle himself with his head pillowed comfortably on Rodney's chest.

"If you're quite finished?" Rodney asked archly, still wrapping an arm around John's shoulders as he grumbled.

"Just about," John said smugly and buzzed a kiss to a convenient nipple. "S'your fault anyway - that last time pretty much killed me." He sighed; well-fucked and totally blissed out, trails of wet warmth on his belly and ass a slickly sweet testament to an evening well spent.

"Hey, you were the one that just climbed on board and went for it," Rodney protested with a smirk. "I'm just thankful you didn't shout 'ride 'em, cowboy'."

"Maybe next time," John yawned through a grin and rubbed a lazy foot along Rodney's calf. "'Sides, you love it."

"Hmm, let me think for a moment. Me. You. Orgasms. Hello? They don't call me a genius for nothing, Colonel Hot Stuff," Rodney said smugly.

John could almost hear the accompanying eye roll. "Asshole," he laughed, and pushed his head into Rodney's hand, moaning in satisfaction as strong fingers stroked through his hair and rubbed at his scalp.

They stayed like that for a while, Rodney's hands slowing - so very different to their everyday click and waving vigour - the movement becoming more of a caress, fingers occasionally tracing the shell of John's ear or the curve of his lips. John couldn't resist catching the soft pads of fingertips with lightly pressing kisses, not entirely sure if the tactile reassurance of presence was for Rodney or himself.

"I thought you were dead, you know," Rodney murmured eventually, sounding like he was talking to himself, as if he thought John might be asleep. "There was a flash of light and you were just… gone… dead, I thought." There was a pause. "I'm glad that you're not," he said simply and John knew enough to hear what Rodney wasn't saying, what neither of them ever said out loud.

"Me too," John said, glad that he was alive, that Rodney was alive - that they were together. Meaning it so much that his heart hurt. "I couldn't remember anything else when I was in that place; Atlantis, the Air Force, anything - my whole life just gone. But I knew something was wrong, something… someone was missing." He shivered as the faint memory of a chill chased along his spine.

Rodney pulled him closer and John buried himself in the broad warmth beneath him. "It was you," he whispered. "You were missing."

"What do you mean?" Rodney asked softly, fingers gentle on John's neck.

"I kept looking over my shoulder, expecting someone - you - to be there. I couldn't pin it down but I just knew you weren't there and that felt wrong."

"Any reality without me is obviously wrong," Rodney snorted and John caught the image of a hazy almost-memory.

"There was even a horse for you," John laughed softly. "His name was Newton."

"I like it," Rodney chuckled, his chest rumbling under John's cheek. "What was your horse called?"

"PJ," John said proudly. "For Puddle Jumper."

"Of course it was," Rodney said, the fondness making John's throat catch.

"There were other things too, things that didn't feel right - that made me know something was wrong. Coffee cups and empty spaces, places meant only for you," John said. "It was all about you, Rodney," he whispered. "It's always been all about you."

Rodney made a soft sound and pulled at John, strong arms drawing him up until their eyes met, and John could see the determination there - determination and devotion, and so much more; all the things they didn't need to say to each other.

"Me too," Rodney said, his voice quiet but fiercely intense as he pressed the truth against John's mouth. "Me too, John."

~~~~*~~~~

Epilogue ~ three months later

 

From: jeannie@miller.xserve.com  
To: thedarkknight@sgc.pegasus.gov  
Subject: re: I need you to do something for me

Hi Mer!

What? No please? Oh, who am I kidding? This is you, after all! ;-) (And yes, I've added that emoticon just to annoy the hell out of you. Heh!)

Okay - enough with the sibling torture, for now anyway, and on to business. Sorry it's taken me so long to get back to you with this but I've finally managed to find out that stuff you asked me about. Since when have you been interested in genealogy anyway? Are you and John compiling a family tree together now? That's so sweet (and by sweet I mean that I still can't believe you've managed to get such a hot boyfriend. Are you sure you're not paying him? Is there blackmail involved?) Okay, okay - watch your blood pressure!

So, I searched in the various state registers - thank god for Google - but the records for back then are pretty sketchy and I couldn't find a birth or death certificate, or any kind of official documents at all. I did eventually unearth a couple of references in an old newspaper archive in Wyoming - and you definitely owe me after scrolling through all those back issues! Anyway, there was a mention of a John Joseph Sheppard being sheriff in a small town called Elk Gap round about 1885. It looks like he was only there for a few months though, kind of a mystery man, and then he pretty much seemed to just disappear into thin air. That was all there was, no details - just that, sorry. Anyway, I hope that helps. Oh, and I want to see the finished product when you're done - proving that you were, as I've always suspected, a changeling left under the blueberry bush in the back yard!

It was Madison's piano recital last week. Oh, Mer - she did so well. She insisted on wearing the hair slide that Ronon carved for her birthday, of course. I'm attaching some of the pictures that Kaleb took and I'll send you a copy of the dvd….

 

The end

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction & is meant solely for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.


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